Choosing Neighbor Over Divide

Before I built a wall I'd ask to know

What I was walling in or walling out,

And to whom I was like to give offense.

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,

That wants it down.

-- Robert Frost, Mending Wall

Why do we build walls that keep people out of our lives?

We are created for connection by a communal God, so walls do profound damage, both to our democracy and to our souls.

It matters, practically speaking, because there are so many problems that can't be fixed in a democracy when people aren't willing to compromise.

It matters to our emotional and mental well-being because relationships - intimacy and being good neighbors to one another - are essential to our flourishing.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Kbk5Qez8TA4

I felt the weight of this recently when thinking about a friend whom I have walled off. I have heard he is not doing well and I have not reached out to him or his family in a number of years to ask how they're doing, to offer help, or to try to re-establish a connection.

Why has it been difficult for me to do so? The relationship began to fade when I took my ministry in a different direction some 20 years ago. Later, when I expressed views on social media that ran contrary to their belief system, I felt they and others in their circle rejected me.

A central part of A Civic Pilgrim is becoming better neighbors, and I realize I have not always been a good neighbor - even to friends I care deeply about.

Behind many such broken relationship is the polarization we are experiencing as Americans. There is too much tendency to reject others because of their ideas, beliefs, or identities.

This makes me sad.

I've come to realize that much of this polarization is intentional. As Texas State Rep. James Talarico points out, there are powerful forces that work hard to keep us angry and divided over issues of party and religion so that we don't notice the systems that are harming our communities. He notes that some social media algorithms are designed to tear individuals and groups apart and cause people to view their neighbors as enemies.

But my faith teaches me to do otherwise. I love how Talarico frames this: He preaches that "democracy is a spiritual practice." It is the practice of listening, resolving conflict, and showing a deep love of neighbor, especially those who are the most different from us.

This is what the pursuit of the common good - one of the core values of A Civic Pilgrim - looks like. This is what Talarico calls a true "politics of love."

Reaching out and mending fences isn't merely about restoring a personal bond; it is a profound civic and spiritual act of resisting a culture of division. It is an active choice to remember, as Talarico says, that there is "far more that unites us than divides us."

I have some questions for you to give serious thought to:

• Who is a friend or family member you have walled off, or has walled you off, because of differing political or religious views?

• What would it look like to practice what Talarico calls "enemy-love par excellence" by reaching across that divide simply to ask, "How are you doing?"

• How can we maintain our moral convictions while still being good neighbors to those who strongly disagree with us?

Call to Action: I challenge you (and myself) to send one simple no-strings-attached message this week to someone on the other side of a "wall." Don't debate or argue; simply ask, "How are you doing?" And then let me know how it went, even if nothing immediately changes.

Perhaps Frost is correct in saying, "Something there is that doesn't love a wall," and maybe it's the image of God within us urging us back to one another.